I Have a Confession to Make...

So...

I may or may not have an online shopping addiction...

I've been sober for a year or so now, but fell back into the deep spiral the other day.

I bought some film on Amazon, and then that lead me to etsy for my polaroid camera...

Which somehow led me to forever xxi, and then thrift books?

I mean, it was bad. All of this happened within a few days...

So just to re cap: I had ordered two packs of polaroid film, professional film, and my polaroid camera.

Then my friend Jared introduced me to Thrift Books, which was one of the best and worst things he could have done.

(If you don't already know about it it's awesome and you should check it out! Free shipping on all books and they are like $4.00!)

Somehow I had enough self control to buy only two:

Les Miserables & The Tiger's Wife

I can't wait to get them. :)

So then... Forever XXI happened...

I mean, I can't act like I regret ordering all of this stuff... Because I'm SO stoked to get it all in the mail.

Plus, who doesn't love getting mail?!

I know I do!

So anyone that knows me knows I'm a sucker for two things:

1) Floral/roses

2)Lace

I found two pairs of adorable floral pants that were only $20-25.00 each!

And I've been looking for cute patterned pants for a long time but never found ones I liked enough to actually buy.

So I thought, why not? 

Then as I'm checking out a little message pops up and tells me I'm only $0.40 away from getting free shipping...

I mean, seriously? $0.40?

So I thought i'll just find something from the accessories sale section!
I found the perfect little lace peter pan necklace!!!
And it was super on sale, too.

So at least I got free shipping, right?

Right....

No more online shopping for me for a long while, I think!

But at least I have some super cute things to look forward to getting in the mail. :)

C.

New Addition to the Fam

I got this beaut in the mail today.

Not a bad Monday, I must say!

I can't wait to test it out!

I haven't yet though, because I'm honestly too scared...

I've tried polaroids before and they didn't all come out exactly how I would have liked.

The ones that did I fell in love with though!

It's just nerve racking because film is so different then digital.

Film is so expensive (at least for a poor college student like me) that you don't want to waste your frame on just anything!

Plus you can't see what it looks like until it comes out.

Getting prints back is one of the scariest yet most exhilarating feelings!

It's the same when you take a polaroid.

You take it out, wait as patiently as possible during that unbearable minute to minute and a half.

Then you anxiously peel off the paper on top to reveal your hopefully beautiful photograph.

You want it to look perfect. 

So. I'm saving my film for those perfect magical moments.

Can't wait to share them.

Welcome to the fam little one.

:)

C.

Life and Death

Life is such a beautiful thing.

It's not always a walk in the park, but the trials we face are what make us who we are.
In those times of hardship I have tried to find comfort in my Savior Jesus Christ.
He knows exactly what I am going through, because he has been through it too.
He knows me better then I even know myself.
Isn't that a beautiful and comforting thing?
I am so grateful for that knowledge, and for the relationship I have with my Savior.
Life can also be very unexpected.
On November 20th, 2012, one of my best friends Madeline Rose was killed in a car accident.
It has been the most difficult thing for me to get through in my life.
I don't want to get into all of that right now, that's for another time.
But I would like to share something I heard in church today.
So this past week has been extremely hard for me.
There isn't a day that goes by that I don't think of her, but just specifically a couple of days ago I just completely broke down.
It's like I almost forgot that she was gone.
It honestly scared me a little bit, and it's been weighing on my mind and heart a lot the past few days.
So then today a man from our stake got up to give a short message.
He said that he felt impressed to tell us this specific experience that he had.
He told us that the week before he attended the funeral of his sweet grandson, Mitchell.
Mitchell was born with Muscular Dystrophy, so they weren't expecting him to live past his teenage years.
(You can read all about his journey here.)
One night he heard his granddaughter, Mitchell's little four year old cousin, saying a prayer.
He heard her little voice tenderly ask Heavenly Father to give Mitchell a hug from her.
From the mouth of babes, right?
Hearing that story brought me to tears thinking about how much I wish I could hug Madeline again.
We can learn so much from little children and their honesty and innocence.
It's humbling to hear things like that.
It was a simple thing she asked for, yet so profound.
I'm so glad that that man listened to the Spirit and shared that beautiful story with us today.
I really needed to hear that.
And I think everyone really needs to hear this song.
It's called Life and Death by Michael Giacchino.
It was originally for the TV show LOST.
In the show when this song plays it's a scene where a man on the island is slowly dying, but at the same time a woman is giving birth to her first child.
It goes back and forth to these people in complete opposite situations.
It's absolutely beautiful.
But I love this song so much, and whenever I hear it I think of Madeline.
It's so beautiful.


C.

The One With the Couch

Today is Saturday.

This morning I had absolutely no plans for the whole day.

It has ended up being one of the best days I've had all semester.

It all started with the couch.

It was 36 degrees outside and somewhat sunny.

You have to understand, for Rexburg, it was a shorts and T-shirts kind of day.

I mean, the parks were full of people. 

You would have thought it was summertime or something.

So I thought it felt good enough that I wanted to move our couch onto our front porch!

At the time it was a terrible decision. But ended up being the reason why today was so adventurous. 

It was such a terrible decision at the time because once we got out there it was actually really windy.

Isabel and I were freezing our little behinds off.

But we decided to stick it out until our other roommate Cali got home.

I mean, we couldn't move our whole couch on our porch, sit there for 5 minutes and go back inside...

It would have been totally lame and weak.

So then Cali came home and we were so excited because we were freezing by this point. 

It just wasn't quite sunny enough to counteract the wind.

So we're sitting there on our porch minding our own business when it happened.

(Oh, and today I just re discovered the panoramic picture feature on my phone. So. It was a panoramic Saturday, that's for sure.)

So. Like I said. 

We were minding our own business when a bunch of people walk out to the parking lot, and Cali sees a girl from our ward and says hi.

Then Cali asked where they were going, and turns out they were headed to the ice caves!

Then this guy invited us to go! They were literally about to leave. 

And here we are sitting on a couch with all our stuff on our front porch. Haha. Great.

Cali eagerly said YES! Let's go! So we went and got ready pretty fast.

I was pretty hesitant to go with these random people I'd never met before. 

Cali kept trying to convince me and tell me c'mon Cami, we're going! It'll be fun.

I continued getting ready but was still hesitant. But then I thought...

 I thought of my first post on here, and remembered my realization the other night... 

I'm boring.

I wasn't going to let this fun adventure slip through my fingers.

So I sucked it up, got out of my comfort zone, and squished into a truck with a bunch of people I didn't even know.

And I'm SO glad I did.

We were having a great time, jamming out to music and just laughing and talking.

But then the road ended suddenly and turned into snow. With no tracks to follow.

We all kind of chuckle and laugh, thinking wowww we drove all this way and we can't even get there...

But we didn't let that ruin the trip. We got out of the car to talk to the other two cars following us. 

We just played in the snow for a bit and had a snowball fight, and played snowball roulette.

After a little fun, we all pile into the car and drive towards a different little turn off to get to the caves.

It was craaaazzyyyy.

The road was completely snowy/muddy, but there were car tracks to follow.

It was one bumpy ride. Totally fun.

So we were pretty close to the caves at this point until what do you know...

No more tracks to follow.

Awesome. 

So after a long time of trying to make a new path, we decided to just head back home.

But of course we got out and explored a little before heading back.

We finally got back to the beginning of this turn off when a few people from the other car decided they wanted to go mudding.

So a few of them hopped into the back for a bumpy, very muddy ride.

It was hilarious to watch their four bodies huddled together just getting rocked back and forth...

It was seriously a blast, even though we never even made it to the ice caves.

Plus the views were absolutely beautiful.

Having grown up in Texas and now living in Idaho the past two years, I have really fallen in love with mountains.

So. It all comes back to the couch.

If I hand't moved it out to the porch, we wouldn't have been sitting there and Cali never would have seen that girl and said hi and we never would have been invited.
It was a Saturday full of unexpected adventures with complete strangers that I will probably never see again in my life.
But. Like I said.

It was an amazing day.

C.

Stay Creative

Can I get an amen?

C.

The One Where I Fell in Love

Years ago I stumbled onto this amazing film photographer,
 Ryan Muirhead.

He is a brilliant photographer. I couldn't believe what my eyes were seeing.

I was still a youngin' as far as photography goes (which I still am, really, but I have a couple more years in), and was in shock.

His work is breathtaking, different, a bit eccentric at times, and just absolutely beautiful.

It was a kind of photography that I had never really seen before.

No weddings, engagements, senior portraits, family photos - the typical photographer.

He was an artist.

(Not to say those that do those photoshoots like that aren't artists.)

I fell completely head over heels for film.

It's raw. It's emotional. It's... so real.

I could never look at digital photography the same.

I mean, how could I? In my eyes it doesn't even compare!

So that christmas I asked for my own film camera.

It was a beautiful Canon AE-1 vintage, from the 60's.

I was in loooove and decided to ask my beautiful and favorite model (also my best friend), Madeline to let me shoot her in film.

And let me tell you...

Film loved her.

I mean, everyone loved her. And my digital camera did too.
But that's not the point.

Yeah...stunning, right?
And the film and grain just add to the loveliness.
I fell in love instantly. 
And this isn't even professional film. Just the cheap crap from Walgreens.
Like I said in my rant before, I haven't really been doing the things I have passions for...
But this is what jolted the real me hiding deep inside somewhere awake...
Sara K Byrne Photography.
As much as I adore Ryan's photography, Sara's is more my style and what I want to make my living out of.
Her and her husband are incredible lifestyle film photographers!
Weddings, engagements, family, newborn, etc.
I fell in love with film all over again.
I went straight to amazon and bought my first pack of professional film.
Kodak Portra 160 to be exact.
I can't wait for it to get here so I can experiment and re discover one of the only things I'm extremely passionate about.
My dearest Madeline has passed on from this life on earth and gone to heaven.
I sure wish I could test this out on her.
But that isn't going to happen.
Saying that it makes me sad would be the biggest understatement of the century.
It won't ever be the same without her beautiful radiant face within the frames of my photographs.
But. Someday.
Can't wait to share my experiments sometime next week. :)

C.

Awake My Soul

"The way to know life is to love many things." 

-Van Gogh

I love this quote by Van Gogh!
It is very inspiring and couldn't be more true.

Lately I haven't really been "living life". 

I let myself be held down by my trials and personal issues.

That ends right now.

I need to get out of this mindset that my life is boring.

The only reason it's boring is because I'm boring.

Today I remembered the passions I live for. 

But unfortunately haven't "lived for" in quite some time...

I have a burning passion for many things, but particularly:

1) Photography

2) Music

4) Reading

After my photography business started growing I stopped photographing for fun.
I sing everyday, but sometimes I don't realize how much I'm in love with it.
Quitting piano was one of the worst decisions I ever made.
I could have been great. Maybe I still could if I tried.
I used to read books like they were going out of style.
I carried one with me every where I went.
Now I never read. Ever. Nothing. (It's college's fault.)
From now on I will:
photograph for fun and artistry,
develop my talents for singing and playing the piano,
And I will always have a novel that I'm reading.
Life is too short to not do all of the things that I absolutely adore.
So. I guess the moral of all of this rambling is that I'm done being boring.
I have so many hopes and dreams!
Things I want to achieve and accomplish.
How could I have forgotten them all so easily?
I'm not quite sure, but my soul is finally awakening after what seems like an eternity of sleep.
It's time to change and grow, move forward, and achieve.
I'm a fun, artistic, passionate, humorous, soulful woman who has lost herself a little bit over the years.
But no more. I'm awake now.
So thanks Van Gogh. For making me reflect on my life at 4:13 in the morning.
I owe ya one.

C.